Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
As you read this post (it is actually a letter I composed to family and friends), keep in mind it is raw, unfiltered copy (not explicit) and expresses exactly what I needed it to. I was able to finally gather my thoughts and feeling surrounding the most celebrated holiday in western culture and the changes we as a family and me as an individual have experienced throughout the years and now in the empty nest years. In no way is it a judgement or criticism against how anyone chooses to celebrate this coveted season. Read with an open mind and heart.
It is Christmas morning 2018, and I cannot help but see the irony in my situation. As someone who desires nothing more than tradition and memory-making with those dearest to me, I sit in my empty house. My husband who is passionate about his conviction to not celebrate Christmas due to its pagan origins finds himself in a most Christmassy setting – at the home of dear friends of ours who celebrate their first Christmas (with all the bells and whistles) in the absence of their beloved, late sister/mother/daughter. Our middle son, the true Scrooge of the family who would love nothing more than to be tucked in his bed right now with absolutely nothing on his agenda today currently sports matching pajamas with his darling girlfriend as they attend festivities at her family’s home that began at 7:30 this morning – the middle of the night for our boy. It is just another day to him. “Happy Tuesday,” he grumpily stated as he reluctantly shuffled out the door this morning. Our oldest son has decided to return to our family’s origins of celebrating Christmas with his young family of four. Nothing necessarily ironic about that scene. I just find it inevitable….and I would love to be there as his wonderful wife surprises him and their children with the very Christmas train that circled our tree on Christmas morning when he was a child – a tradition impressed upon his heart evidently. How heartfelt and magical it would be to witness the wonder of the morning with our oldest and his sweet family that includes two of our greatest joys – our little grandsons. Our daughter remains most neutral during this time of year – not missing Christmas or taking any dislike to it. She is committed, much like her father, to not celebrate this holiday herself but takes no qualm in celebrating with friends. She is currently at the home of her boyfriend doing just that. She has confirmed with me again and again that she has no regrets about our family’s doing away with Christmas and attempting to embrace the more “biblically accurate” celebration of Hanukkah during which we have developed some new traditions that unfortunately don’t quite hold the same punch for me as our Christmas-clad traditions – traditions that were always centered around Messiah, by the way. We never lied to our children about Santa, and I have no regrets about that. My sister who would love nothing more than to shower her adoration for the holiday, including her belief that Santa and his reindeer are in fact real, on family and friends has succeeded in creating her own traditions centered around Christmas while respecting our non-observance of the season. Sadly this has resulted in an undesired (and certainly not intentional) distance from my sister during this time of year. In addition to taking in all the activities that occur during the season, she hosts a Christmas Eve dinner with our father and friends. She and our father also attend a movie every Christmas Day. Lastly, our family experienced a falling away from my step family years ago when a “debate” of the Christmas holiday rose between my husband and step brother. Meaning no harm in stating his convictions, my husband declined an invitation to a Christmas get together at my step brother’s home and no other invitations have followed since. I write this mostly for myself – to help put my thoughts in order during what is a trying time of year for me – but also as somewhat of an explanation to those that are dear to me. I love you. No matter where you are or how you choose to celebrate today, I love you…and miss you. Yahweh bless you.
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