“No one tells you that the hardest part of motherhood is when your kids grow up.” – Khalil Gibran
Now that we are a several months in to the inevitable college drop-off when many parents are initiated into the empty nest, how is everyone doing? Many of you probably have even experienced your first home visit from your kiddos during the holidays. Even that can be an interesting transition after months of an empty nest. And then those tearful good byes…again. It seems the heartache starts all over.
During the early days of fall, social media was populated with posts featuring the experiences of people saying good bye to their “babies” and left wondering where the time went. For some it was bittersweet, for some just sweet, and others just bitter.
We had a very unconventional transition into the empty nest that did not involve our children leaving home but rather us leaving the nest. We left the comfort of our familiar surroundings where so many family memories had been made. I didn’t get the opportunity to grieve the “loss” of my kids by occasionally sitting in one of their rooms while I gazed at memorabilia, or nursing my sentimentality with sweet recollections of days gone by triggered by the everyday backdrop that was our home. You can read more about my story here.
In spite of the fact that I am a huge researcher scouring the internet for answers to even the simplest of questions, I did not even consider there might be resources for people like me who were struggling so with this new phase of life. Low and behold there are tons of materials out there designed to ease the transition. I plan to delve into some of those here and hopefully smooth out what can sometimes by a bumpy ride. Please feel free to share any tips, encouragement, or resources that you have found helpful as well.
“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” – André Gide
For some great literary resources, I found She Reads to be very helpful. These empty nest books include advice on re-inventing yourself, letting go, being needed, your changing marriage, as well as keeping the relationship with your adult children in tact. They serve well the purpose of helping you learn to thrive in your empty nest.
I have found a wonderful coterie of empty nesters on Instagram. In spite of the bad wrap that social media sometimes receives, if used properly it can provide a myriad of resources, encouragement, and community. A quick search on Instagram will reveal a diverse network of fellow empty nesters.
It takes a while but once you get used to the extra time you have on your hands, rekindling old hobbies or exploring new ones is a great way to nurse yourself through the empty nest blues and create excitement for your newfound status. I recently began playing the piano again. I love the way it exercises my brain and feeds my musical soul at the same time.
What better time to remodel or redecorate the house? Perhaps you’ve been dying to have your own craft room or workout space. With vacant bedrooms, now you can make that dream a reality.
Perhaps you’ve been a stay-at-home-parent or are simply looking for a change. There is no better time to acquire a new trade or grow your skill set. You don’t have to take out a student loan or dip into those retirement savings to do so either. I have found many wonderful online courses through Udemy and LinkedIn Learning for extremely reduced tuition. With categories including business, finance and accounting, marketing, design, photography, health and fitness, and a plethora of others the possibilities are endless.
What about travel? Without the added expense of young travelers you have the freedom to make those travel dreams come true! How about that European cruise or tropical retreat? Check out this quaint bungalow in the lovely and artsy town of Todos Santos, Baja Sur Mexico. Appropriately named the Sugar Shack, this bungalow is located in the residential park called El Molino due to the fact that it is built around the old sugar mill featuring the original chimney.
“Your child’s life will be filled with fresh experiences. It’s good if yours is as well.”
—Dr. Margaret Rutherford
There are numerous resources for coping with the empty nest blues or doldrums or for channeling your creativity. Getting used to the quiet, vacancy of your lives is an adjustment. Give yourself the time you need. Feel your feelings. Relish in the wonderful job you did raising amazing humans. Pretty soon your new normal doesn’t feel so new and you begin to see the value in this gem called the empty nest.
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